


That Perfect Girl Is Gone

by NancyBrown



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Female Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Missing Scene, five things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-13
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-13 21:33:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5717866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NancyBrown/pseuds/NancyBrown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five things Rey never expected when she met General Organa.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That Perfect Girl Is Gone

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mammothluv](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mammothluv/gifts).



1\. **The first words each said to the other were, "I'm sorry."**

Rey said it first, breaking into a sob against the neck of this woman she didn't know and had never met and needed so desperately to see. The General was the missing point of the triangle Rey watched shatter forever. Rey could not bring back Han, and she would have killed Ren. She could not readily forgive herself for either.

She stumbled through a terse report. She wasn't a member of the Resistance, not formally. That no longer mattered, and hadn't since she was seen with BB-8. She would have been forever marked, even without the marks on her soul she sustained.

"I'll give you as much information as I can remember about their base," she said, words falling out over each other. "Finn, my friend, he knows more about their methods and their plans." He came in alive, barely. She couldn't bear the thought of his death on her conscience as well. Too much death. "I owe my life to him and to Captain Solo." Seeing the curl of the other woman's face, Rey pushed on, "Captain Solo was so brave. He went back. He went back for _him_."

The images tangled in her mind, and the horrible moment when the world went dark. Everything in her mind had begun to click. She'd been free, and they had been ready to blow up the base, and it all went wrong.

She looked at General Organa again, and her words failed as she read the understanding. The Force moved through everyone, and it pulsed in waves from this small woman. She would have seen. She would have known. She blamed herself, and the power she gave her son, and her own long string of almost victories chased by yet more loss, for the pain she sensed scorching inside Rey.

The General took her hands again, and squeezed them. "I'm sorry."

 

2\. **Rey stayed in the General's quarters.**

She was a stranger here. Her only friends were not friends at all. She'd known Chewbacca and Finn both considerably less than a week. She was not permitted to watch while the med droids worked. She couldn't bear to be inside the _Millennium Falcon_ right now, not with the ghost of her Captain aboard and another ghost ready to join him on the spectral voyage should the med droids fail in their duty.

Even BB-8 was no comfort, though the little droid rested a consoling head against her leg before rolling off towards a grinning man. Rey exchanged greetings with him.

"I hear you're one of the people who kept BB-8 safe for me," he said, and she couldn't reply. She'd kept no one safe. "Listen, I'll keep an eye on our favorite ex-Stormtrooper. Why don't you get some grub?" He showed her the direction of the mess.

The General found her at the mess, where someone had put some food into her hands, thinking she was just another member of their hardy little group.

"When's the last time you ate?" Organa asked, watching Rey do her best not to stuff her mouth full rudely.

"I don't remember. We ordered food at the bar with Maz but the First Order attacked." Somewhere, in the ruins of Maz's place, there was an uneaten sandwich.

"You met Maz? What did you think of her?" The General sat across from Rey. She was calm, asking after an old friend as if her heart hadn't shattered. Under the question, Rey read other words, a quiet plea for a normal conversation, a normal moment, and the sensation of too many people having offered so many condolences the General wanted to scream. Her face didn't change.

Rey took another bite. "She was kind. I think she might be regretting that now."

"Never. She'll be a good friend to you if you let her in." The General had her own tray with the same food Rey was chewing, and without a word, she scooped a portion of her own and placed it on Rey's plate. "We've had better cooks, but this stuff is nourishing. You'll feel better for food and some sleep."

"Thank you." She wasn't accustomed to someone else taking care of even her simplest need. She wondered if she was instead filling some need of the woman across from her. A mother who lost her child forever was still a mother. Rey would never dare ask.

"Where are you staying tonight?"

"I'm not sure." She looked around her. "I wasn't expecting to come here, or to stay. I was going to go back to Jakku as soon as we dropped off BB-8."

"And the next thing you know, you're blowing up a Death Star and part of a much bigger picture. Believe me, you're not the first. You can stay with me. I've got plenty of spare room in my quarters and I could use the company."

Rey started to protest. She knew who this woman was. "General, I'm the worst company you could have."

"Call me Leia. And trust me, the worst company I could keep right now is my own." To that, there was no possible argument.

 

3\. **Rey was naked half the night.**

The General's quarters, Leia's quarters, weren't much bigger than Rey's home back on Jakku. She had a small bed and a desk in one room, with a standing wardrobe. A second room held another bed, which didn't seem slept in. "I have an attaché here from time to time," Leia explained, although Rey had no idea what an 'attaché' was. She pictured an alien with willowy feathers from some windy planet.

The third room held a bathtub. Rey actually moaned when she realized what she was seeing.

"You fill it with real water?"

"According to my detractors, it's typically filled with the blood of virgins. I prefer water. You're from a desert world, hm?"

"Jakku."

"I visited there once. We have far more water here, if you'd like to clean up."

Rey turned on her incredulously. "Really?" The concept of that level of luxury had never once occurred to her except on the most aching nights. She dreamed she'd have a lover, and a kind family, and then she would immerse herself in warm water.

Ren had seen that image in her mind, trying to rip the rest away. She felt suddenly filthy under her skin. "Thank you," she said, for the third or thousandth time.

"I can show you how to run the taps. The pipes rattle and it's a bit sulfurous," Leia glanced at Rey, "but I doubt you'll mind." She demonstrated the temperature controls and even poured in a small amount of an oil. "This helps with the sulfur." A bloom of some flower Rey'd never seen appeared in her mind, pink and lush and scented heavily with perfume.

"Jaymon," she said, not knowing how she knew.

"My favorite. You won't have been to Daimia, but I think you'd enjoy it. You can leave your clothes here for now. I'll get you a robe." Leia went out of the room.

The splash of the water unnerved her, and the implication she should disrobe. She couldn't resist the chance, though. Hesitation over, she tugged off her clothes, folding them on a small stool beside the tub. Gingerly, she stepped into the water, feeling the warmth cover her toes and legs. She knelt, absorbing the sensation over thighs and belly, a wet heat so unlike the desert and driving away the lingering snow in her soul as she sank the rest of the way into the water.

The oil, she noticed, formed a fine spray of bubbles atop the water, concealing her body from the neck down. She turned off the tap and lay back.

"Better?"

She was nude. She was vulnerable. But the other woman couldn't see her skin, and she clearly meant Rey no harm. Rey could read that to the root of her soul. Also a great loneliness, increasing as the hours passed.

"If you put your hair under the water, I can help you wash it if you'd like. I generally appreciate a second pair of hands with mine."

Rey could see this: Leia slipping naked into the water, her friend the winged girl gently unravelling her tresses. "I can manage, but thank you."

Leia reached out and a bottle floated into her hand. She set it by Rey's head. "This one will help with the knots." She made to go.

Rey said, "You can stay to talk. I think you want to talk."

"I think I've talked too often and haven't listened enough."

"You could talk to me. You used your powers just now. I didn't know I had any until yesterday."

"That can happen. You spend your whole life thinking you know who you are, and the next day, you have to be that person and a whole new person at the same time. At least this comes with some nice extra benefits. Something to offset the bad."

 

4\. **They were both orphans.**

After Rey wrapped herself in the warm robe, Leia made her some tea and asked questions about Jakku, about her friends, the memories of her family. Rey avoided the more painful answers, and could see she wasn't fooling anyone when she did.

"You miss your home."

"I shouldn't. Life is hard. I never have enough to eat. I dream about flying with my family away every night. Yes. I miss it."

"My brother grew up on a desert planet, the same as you, and spent every day wishing he could get away. Twenty years later, he still missed it and went back when he had time. I envied him for that."

"You didn't miss your home planet?"

"Every day." She looked down and away. "There are going to be many refugees after today. Not everyone from the worlds that were destroyed were on planet at the time. The Republic will stand but the central government will need to be rebuilt, and its first task will be homing millions of orphans, young and old."

Rey couldn't picture that level of devastation. Leia's voice was very tired. She'd helped rebuild the last time, and she'd spend the rest of her life rebuilding again and again. Rey wanted to offer her help. She knew she didn't dare, not now. Her destiny was leading her elsewhere.

"You felt it, didn't you? When the Starkiller struck." Rey herself had sensed only a glimmer of the death.

"Yes. I'm never going to be as Force-sensitive as the rest of my family, but it's there."

"Why not?" She was almost afraid of the answer. There was only one obvious difference between Leia and the other Force users she was related to.

"Too stubborn." Leia smiled. "I thought that not being trained had kept me alive all this time, and keeping away from all that Jedi nonsense would continue to keep me safe. Luke wanted to show me how to use a lightsaber. I told him the war was over and if I had to win a fight with a sword rather than a word, I'd already lost. Besides, I had a bad feeling I'd be more like our father. The opportunity to shape the galaxy to the way I thought it should be? I couldn't live with that temptation every day and not give in. The only way to be certain was never to let myself learn."

"I don't want to learn, either. I fought once. I don't want to do it again."

"I hope you have the choice. I don't think you will."

Rey dropped her eyes to the tea. "I don't think so, either."

 

5\. **Rey slept in her bed.**

They were interrupted by a chime at the door. One of many people Rey didn't know waited at the door with a small datapad and a solemn expression. "I'm sorry for the interruption, General. I know you requested not to be disturbed tonight. But the numbers have come in. I was asked to bring this to you immediately."

"Thank you, Ensign. You can tell the Admiral I'll speak with him in the morning."

The ensign glanced at Rey and nodded as if she knew who Rey was. "Yes, ma'am."

Leia set the datapad down on her desk, staring at the electronic device unhappily.

"I can go find a place to sleep," Rey said, getting up from the chair.

"I have the spare room. Please stay." Leia did sit at the chair and turn the font up on the datapad. She squinted, then removed a small pouch from her desk and placed a pair of spectacles onto her nose. She glanced at Rey. "Protect your eyes while you're still young."

Having nowhere else to sit, Rey perched on the edge of the small bed. Over Leia's shoulder, she could see lists of names, planets, casualties. There was work to do, even now. She'd asked not to be disturbed. Rey knew nothing of Leia's home planet, but many cultures shared the concept of a mourning period, a time of sitting with the dead. Or with the last person who saw them. On the datapad were the names of an untold multitude of deaths Leia felt personally responsible for. She would spend tonight, and tomorrow, and forever, working towards making things right.

"Tell me about your home world."

Leia startled. At last, a question she wasn't anticipating, or else one that cut her more. Rey couldn't take the words back either way.

"It was beautiful. Snow-capped mountains, and the calmest, bluest lakes you can imagine surrounded by emerald green grasses." She looked out onto crisp memories Rey could touch if she tried. Leia still mourned that loss, but the moment of the older joy, no matter how bittersweet, brought a measure of peace to the sorrow Rey felt in her now.

Leia turned to her work. Rey curled on the bed, watching her. "Tell me more."

The General's fingers moved deftly over the screen, making plans and allocating resources, and sending message after message of her deepest condolences to the survivors with promises of aid and friendship. She worked far into the night, humoring Rey's requests for descriptions of a world neither would ever see again.

Rey fell asleep to the sound of her voice. She dreamed of loving arms lifting her dream-small frame high into a sun-soaked blue sky.


End file.
